Wednesday, December 23, 2009

You can find me down river

Most days I wonder why I still live in the States.  At least five times a day, I wonder why I'm not somewhere else, doing something else in some other country far far away from this place.  I truly do belong in another land.
If any of you need me,  I will be down river somewhere, lost in a world I so desperately wish to return to, attempting to find purpose in the day to day.
While I daydream, please dip into the photos that float me downstream, to my castle in the jungle:

Headed down to the Heliconia Lodge

Peaceful lagoon on the Amazon

The Heliconia Lodge, owned by the incredible Carlos Acosta


The Lodge rests up on stilts, like a tree house.  This is the hammock room, the best seat in the house during a nightly rainstorm.

another view of the hammock room

on the boat with some of the mentors of the group

we received a visit from a baby caiman

Building a new Library for Santa Rosa village.  Population: about 700


Painting the library








teaching about germs while making sock germ hand puppets


teaching the secondary kids


found a litter of puppies.  they had fleas. didn't care, held them anyway.  got flea bites.

the sweetest boy who ever lived and an early morning jungle hike with Amanda, our guide and myself


our farewell plaque to the village leaders


my boyfriend, Jean-Pier.  He gets bigger every year.

A super emotional farewell.  I cried the whole boat ride home


The amazing staff at the lodge.  All dear friends





The peaceful amazon


going...


going...


gone.


I pray everyday that my road of life will lead me back here. Til then, I have these photos,  my memories. and my daydreams.




Friday, November 20, 2009

The Purpose of a Dog



"My goal in life is to be the kind of person my dogs thinks I am."

I love dogs.  From the time I was a little girl all I ever wanted was a dog.  I asked for a dog every Christmas, Birthday and gift-giving holiday from the time I was about 5 on, to no avail.  I received a series of other "pets", namely hamsters (stinky and lame), parakeets (don't do tricks, just poop and eat and chirp) and a bunny (my sis Tara and I tried to walk the bunny like a dog once and ended up getting clawed until we bled.  Not a pleasant experience for either one of us.  I have held a grudge against bunnies since that day), but nothing could replace my incessant desire for a dog.

I have three dogs now. Liddy (technically our family dog) that was brought home by my sister without permission and is now the ruler or my parent's household and a family treasure, Molly, my wild, neurotic but ridiculously sweet Vizsla that came to me via Ben for Christmas during our engagement and after the purchase of our first home, and Leonard, my teeny tiny weenie dog that was intended to keep Molly company and satisfy my desire to forever hold a dog in my arms and cuddle with something that would never get big. My dogs are my friends.  My dogs are my family.











Now, for those of you that aren't dog lovers and don't understand the obsession, let me share with you a story that Ben sent me in an email yesterday, defining the purpose of a dog through the explanation of a 6 yr. old:

A Dog's Purpose(from a 6-year-old).

Being a veterinarian, I had been called to examine a ten-year-old Irish Wolfhound named Belker. The dog's owners, Ron, his wife Lisa, and their little boy Shane, were all very attached to Belker, and they were hoping for a miracle.

I examined Belker and found he was dying of cancer. I told the family we couldn't do anything for Belker, and offered to perform the euthanasia procedure for the old dog in their home.

As we made arrangements, Ron and Lisa told me they thought it would be good for six-year-old Shane to observe the procedure. They felt as though Shane might learn something from the experience.

The next day, I felt the familiar catch in my throat as Belker 's family surrounded him. Shane seemed so calm, petting the old dog for the last time, that I wondered if he understood what was going on. Within a few minutes, Belker slipped peacefully away.

The little boy seemed to accept Belker's transition without any difficulty or confusion. We sat together for a while after Belker's Death, wondering aloud about the sad fact that animal lives are shorter than human lives..
 

Shane, who had been listening quietly, piped up, ''I know why.''

Startled, we all turned to him. What came out of his mouth next stunned me. I'd never heard a more comforting explanation. It has changed the way I try and live..

He said,''People are born so that they can learn how to live a good life -- like loving everybody all the time and being nice, right?'' The Six-year-old continued,
 ''Well, dogs already know how to do that, so they don't have to stay as long.''


My dogs are always happy to see me, whether I have been gone five days or just five minutes.  THey always greet me with tails wagging.



Here are a few things we could all learn from man's best friend:

Never pass up the opportunity to go for a joyride.

Allow the experience of fresh air and the wind in your face to be pure Ecstasy.

Take naps.

Stretch before rising.

Run, romp, and play daily.

Thrive on attention and let people touch you.

Avoid biting when a simple growl will do..

On warm days, stop to lie on your back on the grass.

On hot days, drink lots of water and lie under a shady tree.

When you're happy, dance around and wag your entire body.

Delight in the simple joy of a long walk.

Be loyal.

Never pretend to be something you're not.

If what you want lies buried, dig until you find it.

When someone is having a bad day, be silent, sit close by, and nuzzle them gently.

ENJOY
 EVERY MOMENT OF EVERY DAY! 


I'm going to go home now and give my dogs a hug.






Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Mellow Pensivity

I'm into uber depresso music as of late. I blame it on the weather change. Shorter days, long dark nights, the looming 7 months or so of winter always manages to swallow me. Here are the latest doleful songs dominating my headphones:

  • Sanders Bohlke- "The Weight of Us"
  • Iron and Wine- "Faded from the Winter"
  • Bonnie Prince Billy- "Hard Life"
  • Coeur de Pirate- "Intermission"
  • Andrew Bird- "Lull"
  • Karen O and the Kids- "Hideaway"
  • Jose Gonzalez- "How Long"
  • Kings of Convenience- "Gold in the Air of Summer"
  • Way Out West- "Don't Forget Me"
  • Rogue Wave- "Christians in Black"
Check em' out.  You can find most of these on emusic.com

    Wednesday, November 11, 2009

    Friday, November 6, 2009

    It's a Pablo Neruda Day

    The Stolen Branch

    In the night we shall go in
    to steal
    a flowering branch.

    We shall climb over the wall
    in the darkness of a private garden,
    two shadows in the shadow.

    Winter is not yet gone,
    and the apple tree appears
    suddenly changed
    into a cascade of fragrant stars.

    In the night we shall go in
    up to its trembling firmament,
    and your little hands and mine
    will steal the stars.

    And silently,
    to our house,
    in the night and the shadow,
    with your steps will enter
    perfume's silent step
    and with starry feet
    the clear body of spring.

    En Espanol:

    La Rama Robada

    En la noche entraremos
    a robar
    una rama florida.

    Pasaremos el muro,
    en las tinieblas del jardin ajeno,
    dos sombras en la sombra.

    Aun no se fue el invierno,
    y el manzano aparece
    convertido de pronto
    en cascada de estrellas olorosas.

    En la noche entraremos
    hasta su tembloroso firmamento,
    y tus pequenas manos y las mias
    robaran las estrellas.

    Y sigilosamente,
    a nuestra casa,
    en la noche y la sombra,
    entrara con tus pasos
    el silencio paso del perfume
    y con pies estrellados
    el cuerpo claro de la primavera.

    Thursday, October 1, 2009

    Moral DIlemma

    I'm having major issues today. Good issues, not bad ones, but issues nonetheless.
    As most of you know, I work for a youth non-profit organization as the International service and development director. We put high school students through a year long service program involving local and international service. We work in 4 countries, take about 140 students abroad a year and our goal is to create life-time humanitarians. It is a great job. I love what I do. I work lots of hours and I don't get paid much. You know that going into non-profit. You don't do it for the money.

    Here comes the dilemma: I was just offered a new job yesterday with a new company. They are a web development company, they develop all of the on-line applications and such for the government and state of Utah. It is a cool company. Good people. The position is a marketing position. They have offered me more money, great benefits and a stable work environment with lots of room to grow. A good friend of mine works there, and she really enjoys it.

    So, what do I do? More money? More stability? Or, my little non-profit. Both are good options, but I don't know what is best. I need help. I need opinions. I need advice.

    I welcome your thoughts.

    Please advise.

    Tuesday, September 15, 2009

    Washington

    I am the bear

    that hibernates

    inside a cave, inside herself

    full of rotting meat and sour juices.

    If I were a berry I’d be black

    and I would nestle deep inside

     a prickly bush

                            aside Lake Sammamish to wait for you-

    breach the thorns and pick me.


    I am your constant rain.

    I am May 1980.


    Dear St. Helen:

    You are a crater full of ash and dust—

    all the rest just petrified logs.

    So long winded.

    You reached your boiling point.

      I couldn’t leave my cave.


    I hid. You exploded.

    I am not a berry. 

    I am grey ash and residue—

    Starched bones and

      old news.

     I rest with the fog inside your crater.

     

    I’ll let the rain wash away the flecks

     of dust that cause your throat to burn.

     

     

     

    Monday, September 14, 2009

    Yes Yes Yes!

    It has been over three years since the Yeah Yeah Yeahs last appearance and I have been waiting  since that day for them to come and rock out again.  Last night the wait finally ended as Karen O and crew rolled into downtown SLC and brought the house down as only the YYY's can do.  If you have never seen this band live you are really missing out.  KO came out in an original jumpsuit outfit with tiger tights and a head piece and basically swallowed the mic as she sang a mix of all the best from their past three albums.  Truly, they did not disappoint.  

    With the girls near the stage (from left to right: Megan, Miaken, Hayley, Me, Micky)


    Hayley and Tony:  such a beautiful couple
    We had a perfect view from the front railing of the balcony
    Her moves are so awesome.  She is like a punk cheerleader
    One of her many lunges.  During several clutch moments in the show, confetti exploded all over the stage and the audience


    Thank you YYY's, for returning to appease some of your biggest fans.  We were thrilled.

    Friday, September 11, 2009

    FRIDAY

    Today is Friday, which probably means I am feeling a little bit like this:


    Which isn't too far from normal, since my head is in the clouds most of the time anyway.

    But, today I am feeling like I'm on another planet and I'm not sure how I got there
     My life is an emotional rollercoaster
    But it could be worse, I could look like this:
    What if we put too much information in our brains and we looked like this:
    TGIF.  I have a couple days now to rest and let the swelling go down.